I wish this were my first blogging rodeo. It would only be logical for me to hit the “sign up” button on the wordpress.com home page. My first post would suck and that would be ok because everyone’s first post sucks. We all know it and accept it as an inevitability (death, taxes, and crappy first blog posts). I would be exempt from judgement here.
But it’s not. Not even my second go-round, or third. I’ve created and abandoned several blogs in my day and I really have no reason to believe this one will be any different, but here I am, excited and nervous like I’m starting a new journey into the unknown. I want it so badly, to write and be read! Writing has been a part of me my whole life. I remember journaling in first grade. I was writing about my very public crush on a boy in my class named Jim.
“I like Jim. I think he is…”
Realized I didn’t know how to spell the word ‘cute.’ I painstakingly carved out the letters c-u-t onto the paper, between the dashed line and the solid line, where the lower-case letters belong. It didn’t look right, I didn’t think Jim was cut. Hesitantly, I added an e. In about ten years I would have thought something like ‘God damn I’m good,’ but as a 6 year old I just took my paper and ran off to tell my teacher that I’d figured out a word on my own.
In middle school I kept a 3-ring binder into which I would spend hours each night scribbling my daily thoughts (we didn’t have TV at my mom’s house, so my brother and I found alternative means of entertainment; he played with legos and Pokemon cards, I read and wrote like an literature junkie. Excellent preparation for the SAT later on). I also wrote a short novel sometime around 7th grade. I don’t remember what it was about, something angsty about boys and girls and the way I pictured teenage relationship to play out. In high school I became addicted to a site called Strangeminds.com, where aspiring writers could post their poems, short stories, and rants for critque by other aspiring writers. Seriously. Addicted. I thrived off the praise my postings occasionally received, and would sometimes spill out some rubbish I made up on the spot just to see what people would say about it. I think the site is shut down now, and if it weren’t it probably wouldn’t be as good as I remember, the way cartoons you loved as a kid are inane and silly as an adult.
Then I discovered the Internet, and went off to college, and moved to Texas a couple times and kind of lost that part of myself. Whereas I devoured the entire Babysitter’s Club series as a kid, and that was just as an appetizer, the only books I’ve read cover to cover in the last two years were Carrie Fisher’s autobiography, which I finished in an hour and a half, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and most recently, David Sedaris’s When You are Engulfed in Flames. I’m going to blame the latter for me being here right now, take who-knows-what on blogging. After finishing his most recent collection of essays I immediately hightailed it to Barnes & Nobel to pick up another one of his books and on the way to the checkout counter, “Blogging for Dummies” caught my eye.
I tried to walk past, I swear it, but of their own accord my knees locked and my neck turned to the left, forcing my eyes to survey and consider the 7 copies lined up on the shelf. The instant gratification junkie in me hates the For Dummies collection. I just want to build a rocket ship in my backyard right now! I don’t want to read all those words and learn all those steps, I just want to blast off! But next to that row of bright yellow spines was a set of smaller books with a more palatable color scheme. Something called “6 Easy Blogging Projects,” by Tris Hussey. I read the first three chapters in the store and realized it was time to start again.
I need time away from the tube, time to reconnect with myself and find an outlet for the thoughts that drive me crazy all day long. I’ve created a challenge for myself to write one post each day for the next 365 days, and read one of someone else’s blogs each of those days too. So I guess this kind of is a journey into the unknown, or at least into the long forgotten. Thank you for joining me for day one, and please excuse the shittyness of this post. It’s only my first after all…
Today’s reading: The Downfall of a Former Grammar Nazi :: Jenn in Japan