Category Archives: Make Believe

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Another beautiful morning.
6:15 found me asleep in the shower, with stinging eyes and crazy hair. I woke when the water turned cold. Shut it off, wrapped myself in a towel and went back to sleep on the bathroom floor.
6:15 found you alone in your bedroom, fingering the electrical outlet, your favorite song blaring on your radio alarm. You tried not to wake up, tried so hard to force the day away, but it found you just the same.
Another beautiful morning no one noticed.

You asked me if I wanted breakfast. I shook my head no.
(I find you intoxicating)
I wonder.. If I broke down.. And told you my indiscretions.. would you see what has happened to me? Would you see that I am not who you think or what you imagine?
“I want to be a starving artist,” you told me in a semi-drunken slur. “Is that so wrong?”
I traced the line of your collarbone and thought: ‘You beautiful thing, you already are.’

(I find you infuriating)
You wanted to know what’s wrong but you don’t get it, do you (that’s not a question). Life can go on for you now that you know it’s nothing serious while part of me dies.

I don’t know anymore.
I worry about numbers most people don’t notice.

(I find you inconsistent)
It wasn’t supposed to go this far. It got out of hand. I want to be back at the starting line (I never said I wasn’t a quitter).
No going back now, I guess. It’s a little late for that.

You are my life support, my backbone. You keep me smiling. I find you… unbelieveable.

How did you do this?

(I find you intoxicating)
Another beautiful morning.
I roll over and you are not there.


Kick-Ass Lyric of the Day:

In all your silver rings
And all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
“It’s a long way down,
It’s a long way…”

-Belle of the Boulevard
Dashboard Confessional


4:365 – And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Alaska to sell you

This morning I awoke at dawn, rested and relaxed, wrapped in my lush silken sheets. I got out of bed, slipped on my terrycloth robe and sat on the balcony with a toast and jam, and hot cup of tea, watching the sun rise gloriously over the mountains to the east. I then drew myself a foamy bubble bath in my garden tub and indulged in a soak. After my stylists fixed my hair and makeup I had James take me into the city where I spent the morning shopping at the usual places, Tiffany’s, Saks, my favorite boutiques, treating myself to a few small tokens along the way. I got my nails re-done before returning home for lunch, as I decided I really wanted a slightly pink-er shade of pink than what I had done yesterday. By the way, my chef, Orlando, makes just the most delicious pate, truly it’s to die for. The afternoon was devoted to studying my Japanese in preparation for my upcoming trip to Tokyo… the Prime Minister requested an audience with my after I wrote him regarding some ideas I had come up with to strengthen the relationship between our two great and beautiful nations. My teacher says I am progressing faster than anyone else she’s taught, though I’m sure it’s all due to her absolutely remarkable style of teaching!

After my lesson I rested in the hammock reading Anna Karenina, with my persian, Alexis de Tocqueville (“Lexie”), purring in my lap. The book is one of my favorites, I’ve read it several times since I was young. My fiancee was home from work around 7:45 and we watched the sun set together beyond the lake to the west. Over rack of lamb with roasted red potatoes and glazed carrots (Chef Orlando is simply devine, I don’t know what we would do without him), we debated between honeymooning at Machu Picchu, or just doing another tour of Italy. We loved Italy last year, especially Mt Vesuvius, but decided that since we are going to be purchasing property there soon, Machu Picchu may be the more practical decision. Richard did suggest, with a gleam in his eye, that perhaps we could extend the honeymoon and do both. He does spoil me so! Though just between you and me, I think I would rather do Belgium than Italy. Brussels is just such a quaint and adorable little city, so different from everything I’ve know.

It’s been such an exhausting day, I think it’s time for some beauty rest. Now if only I could decide between the blue bedroom and the red…

…I wish.

Today’s Reading: Dooce. Yes, the whole thing. Heather Armstrong’s most boring days in real life are still more gripping than my fantasy world.